Henry James- A birth story

Dear Henry,

It has been over 3 weeks now since your arrival, and we have fallen more in love with you each day.  There are a million things I should be doing right now, but I wanted to take this time to write down your birth story as it was one of the best days of our lives. I am writing this on about 4 hours on non-consecutive sleep last night, so hopefully it makes some sense :)

So, it began on March 30th.  As I mentioned before, you were in a breech position, and we had a c-section scheduled for noon that day.  We were supposed to arrive at the hospital at 9 so they could start monitoring us.  Here I am, right before leaving for the hospital.  The nights leading up to the surgery, I could hardly sleep, but I slept surprisingly well the final night and felt really good that morning.

Once we got checked in, I had to put on a gown and they started monitoring your heart rate and filling me with IV fluids.  The nurse pointed out on the monitor that I was actually having contractions then, but they were so early that I did not feel a thing.  We were in the waiting room for about 2 hours before they took us back to my recovery room before the surgery.  I could not eat for 12 hours or drink for 6 hours before the surgery, so the worst part about those 2 hours was that I was so hungry and thirsty!  During that time also, the anesthsiologist came and told us about the spinal I would recieve, and the nurses explained everything that would happen during the procedure.

By 11:30, it was time to go to my recovery room.  This was where I would go directly after the surgery.  It all started to sink in when we went to that room and I started getting really nervous.  My doctor (Dr. Kelly-Jones) came and talked to us about everything and before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye to your dad.  He had to go get dressed in scrubs, and I had to go off to the OR to recieve my spinal.  They would not let him in the room for that part- I was told that many spouses end up fainting at the sight of the needle.  I knew your dad would re-join us during the surgery, but something about me walking into the room with the big "C-SECTION #1, on the door by myself was scary.  Once I saw the room, it was so surreal.  All the lights, the smells, the little newborn bed that you would be laying in, 15 or so doctors and nurses all getting ready for us, the chatter going on- I remember it all very clearly and I remember telling myself  that I had to be strong and hold back tears- no crying yet.  I knew it would be hard enough for your dad to walk in and see me on the operating table, so I had to hold it together for him. I did my breathing like I learned in birthing classes which helped me stay calm.  The anesthsiologist got the spinal going right away, and my amazing nurse, June, was right there letting me squeeze her hand.  It was not bad at all though, felt like a bee sting and before I knew it, my lower back was getting really warm.  After a minute or so, they kept asking me to try and move my leg, my toes, and once everything was completely numb, John was allowed in.  During the surgery, your dad stayed right by my head on one side, and the anesthesiologist was on the other.  Your dad kept telling me I was doing great, but I could see in his eyes he was scared too.  I remember that for some reason during the surgery, I heard Hootie and the Blowfish song "Hold My Hand" playing in the room.   Dad confirmed that I was not going crazy, and yes, they were playing that song.  I was really nervous beforehand about hearing what the doctors were saying during the surgery- I thought they would be talking about what they were doing and seeing and I really did not want to hear that- but instead they were talking about thier plans for the weekend, thier kids, etc.  I did not hear any medical conversations at all.  Oh yeah, and before the surgery, there was a team from the neonatal ICU there- this is standard practice for all c-section babies since the birth is riskier and many babies end up with fluid on thier lungs- anyway, they came and introduced themselves before the surgery and I will never forget one of them looking me in the eyes and saying "Ma'am, I'm going to take care of your baby."  Anyway, back to the surgery, right before you were going to be born, the doctors told me I was going to feel lots of pressure and pulling,- and they were right.  I was strapped down to the table, but I remember my body being jolted from side to side and shaking really bad.  I will never forget what happened next, and I can't find the words to describe what I heard, but the first time I heard you cry, I looked at your dad and started balling, I was so happy to hear you.  I heard you loud and clear, I heard the nurses shouting things, I heard suctioning and they were all standing around you on your newborn table- but I could not see you yet.  You were so close and I remember thinking "I wish that nurse would move over so I could see you" but they were all doing thier job, getting you cleaned up and checking you out.  They announced that your first APGAR was a "9" which was really good and that you were not going to need to go to the NICU- yay!  Then I heard they were weighing you.  Eight lbs!, one of the nurses shouted.  Meanwhile, I was trying to talk to you too- I remember yelling, "I love you Henry", "Happy Birthday Henry", over and over again.  And then it happened, they took your last APGAR- 9 again, and wrapped you up so I could meet you.  Your dad was standing over the nurses watching them, so he had seen you, but I still had not.  Cameras were not allowed in the OR, but my anesthesiologist went to sneak my camera in and he took this picture which will forever be one of my favorites.

I still could not move, but at least I could see you and knew that you were safe and healthy.  Next, the nurses had to take you to get your first bath and have your footprints done.  Of course, the doctors still had to staple me back together, so dad went with you while I was still in the OR.  That was hard, but I knew he would take some pictures, and he did not disappoint:

And then, finally, I was stapled up and ready to go to recovery, which meant I could finally hold you and try to start feeding you.  The next picture is so special to me.  No, its not the best lighting, I certainly don't look good, and it may be slightly out of focus, but the photography rules go out the window here.  This is me holding you for the first time and I will never, ever, forget this moment.  This moment, I felt my heart beating outside my body, and I knew.  I knew it would never be the same.  I also knew this, I will now go up against anyone that says they don't believe in love at first sight, because this, this is love at first sight.

We were in recovery for about 3 hours, and I rememeber being so proud when I could finally move my feet and legs which was my green light to move out of recovery and into my room.  Oh, and while I was in recovery, I recieved a special flower delivery from you:

This is us in our permanent room, where we stayed for the next 3 nights. 

Henry, the past few weeks have been a whirlwind and I have spent as much time as I can just drinking you in and taking in your newborn smell.  I wish I could bottle it up because I know it will not last.  Before I had you, I had great plans for projects I was going to work on while I'm on maternity leave, but now that you are here, all of that is out the window.  You are my project now, and I don't want to stop being with you for a second to pick up, do laundry, or cook.  I have only turned on the tv a few times, and have been online 2-3 times since bringing you home.  I know our time together is so precious, and there are not enough hours in the day for me to peel away from you.  People often ask what's the most surprising thing about motherhood so far, and of course the easy answer is something about lack of sleep, feeding, or diapers, but for me, the only way I can answer this question is that you will have no idea until you go through it.  It's untouchable ground, it's pure, raw emotion.  I can't believe you were in my tummy, I can't believe you are so beautiful and perfect, and I can't believe I went almost 30 years without you in my life.  For now, you are wrapped tightly to my chest in your sleepy wrap making the sweetest sounds and I'm about to take you outside to get some fresh air.  This is it Henry, this is the beginning of something beautiful, and I can't sum it up any better than one of my favorite quotes from Mary Oliver: ""Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
All my love,

Mommy

Week 39

Dear Bun,

This will be my last weekly update before you arrive.  We found out at my last doctor's appointment that you are in fact sitting Indian style, head up, feet crossed- or as the ultrasound tech called it "criss-cross applesauce"- I guess you are not supposed to say "Indian style" anymore.  It is against my doctor's policy to try and deliver a breech baby naturally because of the risks, and we were not willing try it either.  There are a few procedures we could have tried to flip you, but I was against trying to flip you at all- I believe you are in this position for a reason and you were head down until the very end, so the doctor was not optimistic that they would have worked anyway since you are now full term.  We are scheduled for a c-section on Wednesday, the 30th, how does a 3-30-11 birthday sound?  I am nervous for the surgery, but if I am going to have a c-section, I am much happier knowing about it in advance.  Maybe you were trying to do your schedule/planning obsessed mama a favor by sitting upright?  Either way, we can't wait to meet you, and at the end of it all, it does not matter how you get here, all that matters is that we have a healthy baby to take home.

Here is the 39 week bump pic:

Love,

Mom

Week 38

Dear Bun,

As I write, we are 11 days away from your due date, but really you could come anytime between now and the next 3-4 weeks.  The books say the average size of a baby now is close to 7 lbs and 20 inches long.  I'm anxious to see how big you will be!  Your dad was a big baby (over 9 lbs) but I was small (6 lbs) at 2 weeks late, so maybe you will end up somewhere in the middle.

Last week, I went and got the carseat inspected to make sure I had done it right.  I did, but the police officer and safe kids rep recommended that I move you from the middle seat to the seat behind me so we can use the LATCH system which is really easy to just snap the base in and out of, and gives the safest fit since you don't have to use the seatbelt at all.  They also told me to take down the fun stuffed toys I had hanging from your seat because apparently those are a projectile threat in the event of an accident.  So, I'm glad I had everything checked out! 

Today, your dad and I are going to the movies and are trying to get some last minute things done around the house before you come!  Your nursery is complete except for the toy chest, which may not be ready for awhile.  Either way, we have everything setup and ready for your first few weeks at home.  I made my packing list for the hospital and have started setting things in a packing pile- Morgan gets really anxious whenever she sees the suitcase out, so I'm holding off on that until the end.  I am still feeling good, and thankfully, haven't experienced the swelling that a lot of women get in the last weeks of pregnancy.  I do have insomia though.  I'm usually up every 1 1/2 -2 hours a night.  Even though I won't be getting more sleep once you get here, I am really looking forward to being able to sleep on my back again- even if it is only for 2 hours at a time!

Love,

Mom

I Want To Remember...

Dear Bun,

As this pregnancy comes to an end, I wanted to capture a few of my favorite memories. It has been a joy to carry you these past 10 months. I am excited for the future, but I know I will miss this special time, when it has been just you and me. I can’t wait to show you the world, to explore with you, and to watch you make it your own, but there are things about you being in the womb that I want to remember as well:


I want to remember the nervous excitement that I felt when I first saw this:

I want to remember the look on your dad’s face when I told him he was going to be a father

I want to remember the emails that your dad and I would exchange over the work day. He was always checking in on us and I got so excited to see “Bun” in the subject line

I want to remember that Thursday’s were the best day because that is the day that we moved on to the next week, so I always spent some time on Thursday reading about what you were developing then

I want to remember that I loved reading product reviews on baby products

I want to remember that I poured my heart into your nursery and no matter how crazy my requests seemed, your dad just went right along with what I said

I want to remember that I actually liked wearing maternity clothes

I want to remember that your dad loved my pregnant belly

I want to remember the look on your dad’s face as the ultrasound technician waved her magic wand over my belly and said “It’s a boy!”

I want to remember that the first thing you received were 2 Michigan State onesies your dad brought back from a football game

I want to remember that Morgan got protective of us whenever another dog got too close

I want to remember that your dad loved catching me chugging milk. I could not get enough milk and once I decided I needed some milk, I would drink a full glass without stopping- it was that good

I want to remember the confidence in being a mom that came over me halfway through the pregnancy- all of a sudden it did not matter what anyone said or tried to advise me on. I realized that no one knows what is best for you like your dad and I, and we will work the rest of our lives to try and give you just that

I want to remember that you loved the right side and I frequently walked around with a lopsided belly

I want to remember that I played the “next time” game in my head the last few weeks- Next time I touch these diapers it will be because I am changing Henry, next time I have to get out my suitcase, it will be to pack for the hospital, next time I see my mom, I will be a mom, or the “by the time” game- By the time this milk expires, Henry should be born


I want to remember looking down at the scale at the doctor’s office. I have never seen a number so large when I stepped on a scale, but I have never been more proud of it

Week 37: Watermelon

Dear Bun,

We made it to 9 months! This week, we are 37 weeks along, which is considered full-term.  Before I was pregnant, I thought that being 9 months pregnant meant that you were ready to have the baby, but once we started counting weeks, I realized pregnancy is actually 10 months.  Your development is mostly complete, you are just gaining weight and practicing for life outside the womb: breathing, sucking on your thumb, blinking, and moving around. 

Last Friday, I went to the doctor and will start going every week now.  The good news is that you are head down, and the doctor says everything looks the way it should! The other big news of the week is that I got a new car yesterday!  It was time to upgrade from this car:

To a car that is a little more carseat and kid friendly:

I also insalled your carseat, and I'm going to get it inspected sometime this week. Here is where you will ride!

And here we are at 37 weeks:

Love,
Mom

Week 36

Dear Bun,

We are at 36 weeks now and have exactly 25 days until your due date as I type this!  It's hard to believe we are so close now.  You are probably around 6 lbs and are continuing to gain weight weekly.  Development wise, everything is pretty much complete and this week you are shedding a waxy substance called vernix caseosa which has protected your skin from the amniotic fluid over the past 8 months. 

I'm still doing well, I have a lot of energy lately and seem to always find something to do to get ready for you.  I probably did the most fun loads of laundry ever this weekend- I started washing all your newborn clothes and blankets and getting everything organized.  We also went new car shopping this weekend since we will need to upgrade to a family friendly vehicle.  I can't go anywhere without people smiling at me, wishing us well, or stopping to ask about you.  It's been so fun having complete strangers come up to me and ask about you and tell me how wonderful it will be.  Most people ask if I'm ready to have you yet, and while I can't wait to meet you, I'm not ready yet!  I think I will miss being pregnant- after all I get to take you with me everywhere I go now and I love feeling you moving around. 

Here we are at 36 weeks:

Love,

Mom

Week 35

Dear Bun,

We are at 35 weeks now, and most of your physical development is complete- your kidneys are fully developed and your liver can process waste.  Your biggest progress now is packing on the pounds until delivery day!  You should be about 20 inches tall now, and your height will stabalize from now until you are born.  You probably weigh around 5 1/2 lbs. 

Last week, we went to Infant CPR class and hope we never have to use it, but if we do I think we'll be prepared.  Your dad already told me that my job was to call 911, he was going to do the CPR, which is fine with me! I'm almost finished with your nursery, I am waiting on the mobile that I ordered to arrive, and once that comes, and your dad finishes with the toy chest, it will be ready!  I have a feeling it may be awhile before that toy chest is complete though- he is having a hard time getting all the old paint off.  I have almost everything I think I need before you are born.  I bought a video monitor for your nursery on Saturday and that was the last thing I wanted to get before you get here.  We will have a camera setup in your room so we can check on you.  It may stay there until you are 18, ha ha!. Kidding, kind of.

I'm still doing well, except Spring has arrived in Charlotte, which means I have to stay inside.  I am allergic to everything that blooms and right now, trees are getting ready or have started to bloom.  Normally I take a prescription for it, but I can't take it being pregnant.  So, I have a box of kleenex with me at all times, and just try and stay in the AC.  Hopefully you don't get allergies, but when I met with the pediatrician, she said they were highly genetic, so you may end up with them.

Here we are at 35 weeks:  My weight gain (28 lbs) has stayed the same the past 3 weeks.  I think a combo of allergies, no appetitie and very little room left for my stomach may be the cause.  We go back to the doctor this week, and will start going every week from now on- it's getting so close!!

Love,

Mom